Intimidating Uncle

How Now My Little Droogies?

2009-10-12T11:15:00.000-07:00

Where is your mom's giant phallus?

How did you break your arm playing video games?

2009-09-22T15:36:00.000-07:00

I notice that no one has signed your cast.

Good Thing We Are Not British.

2009-09-18T02:19:00.000-07:00

One day you will realize what you being part of your parents wedding means.

How Many Princesses Do You Know From Indiana?

2009-09-12T23:58:00.000-07:00

I'm not exactly sure what it is you think you are smiling about.

Well At Least You Will Serve A Purpose In Life.

2009-09-08T00:45:00.000-07:00

Sucks to be you huh?

You Pull Anything Off That Desk, And You Are Going To Get It!

2009-09-03T18:33:00.000-07:00

Why don't you leave the cliff hanging to Sly Stalone?

Who Said That Was Okay?

2009-08-31T21:10:00.000-07:00

You think you are some sort of pastoral computer nymph? Guess what. You aren't.

Big Dreams Lead To Big Disappointments.

2009-08-31T12:42:00.000-07:00

Your parent's house is probably as close as you will ever come to living in a castle.

Just You Shut Your Mouth.

2009-08-30T15:40:00.000-07:00

Just remember, you aren't a China girl. You won't be small and cute forever.

Yeah, What Is The Point Of It All?

2009-08-29T18:10:00.000-07:00

Why don't you write a poem about it?

What Part Of Do Not Touch The Cannon Did You Not Understand?

2009-08-28T00:01:00.000-07:00

Why don't you ask your dad about his 10lb balls?

Didn't I Tell You To Shut The Door?

2009-08-26T21:17:00.000-07:00

If you still need that hat to poop in thirty years... I hope you live far, far away.

Call Me When You Can Walk On Your Own.

2009-08-26T13:11:00.000-07:00

You got a cigarette lighter in that thing?

Get Some Clothes That Fit!

2009-08-25T09:41:00.000-07:00

Just because you are cute, doesn't give you cart-blanche to put your feet all over the furniture.

I Guess A Sucker Is Born Every Minute.

2009-08-25T01:12:00.000-07:00

Do you think you could look a little more pathetic for me?

You Should Go Outside More.

2009-08-24T17:57:00.000-07:00

Being super white is not a super power.

It Is Called A Race For A Reason.

2009-08-23T05:08:00.000-07:00

This makes me think of an egg I bet your mom wishes she didn't drop.

Stop "Stairing" At Me Like That.

2009-08-22T13:42:00.000-07:00

I don't really know how you could be more useless.

Liver Problems Can Cause Jaundice Like That.

2009-08-18T21:14:00.000-07:00

People really won't want to talk to you if you act both sad and weird.

It Is Not That Kind Of Blackberry.

2009-08-17T20:27:00.000-07:00

I see you take after your mother.

What Are You, Special In The Bad Way?

2009-08-16T12:46:00.000-07:00

Most people like to eat with things called utensils, and sit at things called tables.

Are You Supposed To Be A King Or A Queen?

2009-08-15T18:52:00.000-07:00

This is a phase I hope you grow out of soon.

Pitching Tents Already?

2009-08-14T15:14:00.000-07:00

No. Indians live in India, not in teepees.

Which One Of You Sheds More?

2009-08-13T18:08:00.000-07:00

You know dimples are actually a birth defect, right?

I Don't Know If You Look More Like Your Mom, Or Your Dad.

2009-08-13T08:59:00.000-07:00

You know Heineken is basically Pabst from the Netherlands, don't you?

No One Can See Your Tears In The Water.

2009-08-12T12:54:00.000-07:00

Tough life you have there, baby soft skin, relaxing in a pool, and no regrets. Yeah, tough life you have.

Put Some Clothes On. Not A Sleeveless Mesh Shirt!

2009-08-12T09:44:00.000-07:00

What is this, a toddler remake of the Rocky Horror Picture Show?

The Opposable Thumb Is What Sets Humans Apart.

2009-08-12T01:56:00.000-07:00

You aren't a fetus anymore. Shape up!

Have You Been Taking Acting Lessons From Grams?

2009-08-11T10:23:00.000-07:00

No one thought you were going to win the spelling bee anyway.

If You Get Anymore Outrageous, You Will Be Totally Outrageous.

2009-08-10T18:06:00.000-07:00

Yeah, show business is a warm and friendly place. No one will ever try to take advantage of you.

I'm Drawing A Blank.

2009-08-09T13:52:00.000-07:00

I can't seem to intimidate this kid. Help me out by leaving a comment with your own intimidation for him. You get to be the Intimidating Uncle.

Don't Look At Me.

2009-08-08T11:14:00.000-07:00

Did you just escape from a witch, Witch Mountain, or a Simplicity patterns catalogue?

Look Out! Here Comes The Miracle Worker.

2009-08-07T13:27:00.000-07:00

Most people like to close their mouths before they jump in a pool.

This Is The Backyard, Not A Runway In Milan.

2009-08-06T17:15:00.000-07:00

Hey, leave a little attitude for the other regional models!

Watch Out. Those Things Are Super Absorbent.

2009-08-06T16:55:00.000-07:00

You do know that those don't go on your face right?

Well, No More Kisses From You.

2009-08-06T14:05:00.000-07:00

And people wonder how things like the swine flu get started.

Oh, Those Aren't Just Big Stains On The Carpet?

2009-08-05T15:59:00.000-07:00

Do you know what the nutritional value of your hand is?

Can't Take You Anywhere Can We?

2009-08-05T03:00:00.000-07:00

I don't know if Rodney Dangerfield believed in reincarnation, but looking at you, I do.

You Look Awfully Excited To Be In The Kitchen.

2009-08-04T14:35:00.000-07:00

Aren't you a little young to be making meth?

You Think You Are So Cute.

2009-08-03T13:19:00.000-07:00

Most super models don't have an extra chromosome.

Where Is Your Other Hand?

2009-07-31T11:26:00.000-07:00

I hope you know that none of your World Of Warcraft skills will translate into the real world.

Going To Make Millions In The WNBA?

2009-07-30T19:17:00.000-07:00

Are you a good ball handler like your mom?

What Is This Woodstock?

2009-07-27T14:16:00.000-07:00

Hey, I hope that medal can teleport you home, because you are not getting in my car like that.

Why Not Make Believe That You Have Style?

2009-07-26T18:02:00.000-07:00

You know that to become a famous drag queen, you have to start off a man, right?

Why Are You Smiling Like That? You Lost.

2009-07-24T18:54:00.000-07:00

Good job. You just stood around for two hours and made us watch you.

Your Parents Have To Tell You That You Are Cute.

2009-07-20T19:42:00.000-07:00

If you are going to impersonate Elton John, you are going to need a piano.

At Least You Have Grasp On Consumerism.

2009-07-19T18:23:00.000-07:00

You do understand how a swing works, don't you?

You Are Not Just Scaring Crows.

2009-06-07T15:31:00.000-07:00

Let me know when you start killing small animals.

I Don't Even Want To Know, Do I?

2009-06-06T23:52:00.000-07:00

Being an endangered species isn't as cool as you might think.

What You Smiling About?

2009-06-05T18:31:00.000-07:00

Being able to kneel in skates isn't a talent; it's inherited. Just ask your mother.

Nice Coloring. Real Nice.

2009-06-04T18:46:00.000-07:00

Being able to stay inside the lines doesn't make you an artist.

Hat Or Helmet? Choose One.

2009-06-03T20:06:00.000-07:00

You think you got something inside that skull worth protecting?

Ten Cents?!

2009-06-02T19:09:00.000-07:00

I hope you are never in charge of raising money for me for any reason.

Aren't You Supposed To Move?

2009-03-03T10:32:00.000-08:00

You mess up that floor with those boots, and you will find out about involuntary anorexia.

Yeah, I Bet You Think You Are Smart.

2009-03-03T10:25:00.000-08:00

Nike! Ha... Ha ha ha! Nike!

Maybe You Shouldn't Smile.

2009-02-06T16:39:00.000-08:00

You are looking more and more like your grandmother every day.

Cute One.

2009-02-04T16:51:00.000-08:00

Are you trying to get DFACS called on your mom?

Are You Sure We Are Related?

2009-01-07T19:53:00.001-08:00

I don't know what you are doing, but I want you to stop now.

What Are You Doing Down There?

2009-01-06T20:55:00.000-08:00

No, you can't have three dollars in quarters.

What Exactly Do You Have In That Purse?

2008-12-24T10:47:00.000-08:00

Are you running away to Michael's?

What Were You Just Doing?

2008-12-22T10:24:00.000-08:00

I swear, Liberace never spent so much time in the bathroom, and he could play the piano. What can you do?

Wipe That Smirk Off Your Face.

2008-12-15T13:31:00.000-08:00

What are you supposed to be, the eighth dwarf, Creepy?

Nice Fishbowl.

2008-12-14T11:19:00.000-08:00

The only place you are going in that spaceship is the parking lot.

No, You Don't Look Cool With That On.

2008-12-12T13:41:00.000-08:00

Your dad likes tight, dark, and dirty places too. Just ask your mom.

Maybe You Should Stick To Formula.

2008-12-03T00:52:00.000-08:00

If you think you are going to be a makeup artist when you grow up, you are wrong.

Just Who Do You Think You Are?

2008-12-02T14:56:00.001-08:00

I don't think you can pull off short hair. You are no Josie Bissett.

Oh Really? That Is How It Is?

2008-11-25T13:01:00.000-08:00

Exactly which stereotypes are you trying to reinforce?

Ever Heard Of Soap?

2008-11-24T20:43:00.000-08:00

I see your mom is the one teaching you about personal hygiene.

Tough Life You Have There.

2008-11-22T19:57:00.000-08:00

Maybe a cinder block and some rope could give you some perspective.

You Should Get Used To Holding That Broom.

2008-11-19T23:44:00.000-08:00

What are you supposed to be anyway, an Italian grandmother? Where's your mustache?

You Think You Are So Cute Don't You?

2008-11-18T23:53:00.000-08:00

I hear your mom is into water sports too.

What Is That White Stuff On Your Face?

2008-11-14T10:36:00.000-08:00

You won't be giggling like that when you are talking to Montel from the bed you can't leave.

You Break Them You Bought Them!

2008-11-11T09:27:00.000-08:00

Stupid is, as stupid does, and look what you are doing.

Who Do You Think You Are, Jane Goodall?

2008-11-10T19:06:00.000-08:00

Lucky for you Charlton Heston is dead.

Are You Slow Or Something?

2008-11-06T16:39:00.000-08:00

It's a hoop, not rocket science, not much to understand.

I Am Just Glad You Are Not Mine.

2008-11-06T00:52:00.000-08:00

Don't you try your Weirding Way on me.

You think you are special? Ha!

2008-10-30T13:06:00.000-07:00

Weren't you wearing that shirt last time I saw you? You ever take that thing off?

Have you been hot-boxing in your Power Wheels?

2008-10-24T15:42:00.000-07:00

You want to end up like your uncle Shred?

Remind Me To Never Take You Out In Public.

2008-10-23T16:39:00.000-07:00

Your mom says you are a genius, but I have my doubts, serious doubts.

What Makes You Think You Are So Special?

2008-10-21T13:34:00.000-07:00

Did you poop your pants or realize your life is meaningless?

I Thought I Was Your Hero.

2008-10-20T14:54:00.000-07:00

I didn't know that the Hulk was a bed wetter.

Nice. Very Nice. I Bet Your Mother Is Proud.

2008-10-17T16:30:00.000-07:00

I didn't know you and your family were moving to Van Nuys.

Aren't You A Little Old For This Kind Of Thing?

2008-10-14T14:06:00.000-07:00

I don't see any swans, and I don't see any lakes, so just stop that.

This Is Not The Time Nor Place For That!

2008-10-13T16:38:00.001-07:00

Who do you think you are, your grandmother?

Just Keep On Licking!

2008-10-10T10:53:00.000-07:00

You better hope those stockings don't fall like your father's stocks.

Are You Sure You Weren't Adopted?

2008-10-09T12:49:00.000-07:00

I haven't seen so much white powder and stupidity since the 80's.

Really? Really? Really?

2008-10-08T14:19:00.000-07:00

You aren't getting enough dollar bills from the tooth fairy?

There's Not Much Difference Between A Wizard And A Fairy.

2008-10-07T10:51:00.000-07:00

You look ridiculous. Those aren't even the right glasses. Can't you do anything right?

Something Wrong With Your Legs?

2008-10-06T21:19:00.000-07:00

You should be pulling that wagon, not sitting in it.

Close Does Not Count.

2008-09-17T00:16:00.000-07:00

The ice cream is supposed to go in your mouth, not all over your face.

Guitar Hero? More Like Guitar Zero.

2008-09-11T15:16:00.000-07:00

A fake plastic guitar will get you a fake plastic girlfriend alright. Not the Playboy kind, the blow-up kind.

That Is What You Get.

2008-09-10T18:40:00.000-07:00

Now ask me to feed the pigeons. Now ask me.

You Think You Are A Mail Man Or Something?

2008-09-05T15:15:00.000-07:00

Don't mess with the mail.

What Kind Of Stupid Bike Is That?

2008-09-04T17:59:00.000-07:00

If your parents want to encourage you to go through life on your back, that's none of my business.

PUT SOME PANTS ON NOW!

2008-09-02T14:17:00.000-07:00

You want people thinking you run with the MARY-achi crowd? Huh?

Hey! Stop Being Creepy!

2008-08-28T13:08:00.000-07:00

What do you think you are doing, trying to make my head explode with your mind? You ain't special.

Cute. Real Cute.

2008-08-27T12:52:00.000-07:00

Someone get Tony Hawk on the phone. Someone is trying to steal his job. Yeah right!

Tough Guy Eh?

2008-08-26T13:37:00.000-07:00

When you stop pooping your pants, I will start taking you seriously.

Is That As Fast As You Can Go?

2008-08-25T14:47:00.000-07:00

You better keep running. Your mom stopped running. Look at her.

Get Used To It.

2008-08-23T13:09:00.000-07:00

Every day in your cubical will be just the same.