Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Monday, December 22, 2008

What Were You Just Doing?

I swear, Liberace never spent so much time in the bathroom, and he could play the piano. What can you do?

Monday, December 15, 2008

Wipe That Smirk Off Your Face.

What are you supposed to be, the eighth dwarf, Creepy?

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Nice Fishbowl.

The only place you are going in that spaceship is the parking lot.

Friday, December 12, 2008

No, You Don't Look Cool With That On.

Your dad likes tight, dark, and dirty places too. Just ask your mom.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Maybe You Should Stick To Formula.

If you think you are going to be a makeup artist when you grow up, you are wrong.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Just Who Do You Think You Are?

I don't think you can pull off short hair. You are no Josie Bissett.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Oh Really? That Is How It Is?

Exactly which stereotypes are you trying to reinforce?

Monday, November 24, 2008

Ever Heard Of Soap?

I see your mom is the one teaching you about personal hygiene.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Tough Life You Have There.

Maybe a cinder block and some rope could give you some perspective.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

You Should Get Used To Holding That Broom.

What are you supposed to be anyway, an Italian grandmother? Where's your mustache?

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Friday, November 14, 2008

What Is That White Stuff On Your Face?

You won't be giggling like that when you are talking to Montel from the bed you can't leave.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

You Break Them You Bought Them!

Stupid is, as stupid does, and look what you are doing.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Are You Slow Or Something?

It's a hoop, not rocket science, not much to understand.

I Am Just Glad You Are Not Mine.

Don't you try your Weirding Way on me.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

You think you are special? Ha!

Weren't you wearing that shirt last time I saw you? You ever take that thing off?

Friday, October 24, 2008

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Remind Me To Never Take You Out In Public.

Your mom says you are a genius, but I have my doubts, serious doubts.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

What Makes You Think You Are So Special?

Did you poop your pants or realize your life is meaningless?

Monday, October 20, 2008

I Thought I Was Your Hero.

I didn't know that the Hulk was a bed wetter.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Nice. Very Nice. I Bet Your Mother Is Proud.

I didn't know you and your family were moving to Van Nuys.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Aren't You A Little Old For This Kind Of Thing?

I don't see any swans, and I don't see any lakes, so just stop that.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Friday, October 10, 2008

Just Keep On Licking!

You better hope those stockings don't fall like your father's stocks.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Are You Sure You Weren't Adopted?

I haven't seen so much white powder and stupidity since the 80's.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Really? Really? Really?

You aren't getting enough dollar bills from the tooth fairy?

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

There's Not Much Difference Between A Wizard And A Fairy.

You look ridiculous. Those aren't even the right glasses. Can't you do anything right?

Monday, October 6, 2008

Something Wrong With Your Legs?

You should be pulling that wagon, not sitting in it.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Close Does Not Count.

The ice cream is supposed to go in your mouth, not all over your face.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Guitar Hero? More Like Guitar Zero.

A fake plastic guitar will get you a fake plastic girlfriend alright. Not the Playboy kind, the blow-up kind.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

That Is What You Get.

Now ask me to feed the pigeons. Now ask me.

Friday, September 5, 2008

Thursday, September 4, 2008

What Kind Of Stupid Bike Is That?

If your parents want to encourage you to go through life on your back, that's none of my business.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008


You want people thinking you run with the MARY-achi crowd? Huh?

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Hey! Stop Being Creepy!

What do you think you are doing, trying to make my head explode with your mind? You ain't special.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Cute. Real Cute.

Someone get Tony Hawk on the phone. Someone is trying to steal his job. Yeah right!

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Tough Guy Eh?

When you stop pooping your pants, I will start taking you seriously.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Is That As Fast As You Can Go?

You better keep running. Your mom stopped running. Look at her.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Get Used To It.

Every day in your cubical will be just the same.

Friday, August 22, 2008

Aren't You A Little Old For Training Wheels?

And, who told you it was okay to wear cowboy boots with shorts?

Thursday, August 21, 2008

I'll Show You Monkey Around. You Wanna Be Like Him?

Yeah, dreams do come true, if it's your dream to bake alive inside a shag carpet suit.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Boy... I... Boy...

I wish I knew what to say to you. I just wish I knew.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

You Are A Regular James Dean.

You know what happened to him don't you?

Monday, August 18, 2008

You Having Fun There? Huh?

You better get used to that shopping cart. That might be your home soon enough.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

What Are You Smiling About?

That will only get you so far in the real world. You just don't even know.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Oh Yeah? The Cookie Mumster? He Did This?

Who wants to go get your dad's belt? Oh you don't know where it is? Well you are going to! I oughta...!!!

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Astronaut Hu? Think You Are That Smart?

I see an orange jumpsuit in your future alright or maybe a dark blue one with a large key ring.

Friday, August 8, 2008

Enjoy It Now Kid. Enjoy It Now.

Keep on smiling. I used to be Santa's Little Helper. You just think it will last forever.