How Now My Little Droogies?

Where is your mom's giant phallus?

How did you break your arm playing video games?

I notice that no one has signed your cast.

Good Thing We Are Not British.

One day you will realize what you being part of your parents wedding means.

How Many Princesses Do You Know From Indiana?

I'm not exactly sure what it is you think you are smiling about.

Well At Least You Will Serve A Purpose In Life.

Sucks to be you huh? 

You Pull Anything Off That Desk, And You Are Going To Get It!

Why don't you leave the cliff hanging to Sly Stalone?

Who Said That Was Okay?

You think you are some sort of pastoral computer nymph? Guess what. You aren't.

Big Dreams Lead To Big Disappointments.

Your parent's house is probably as close as you will ever come to living in a castle.

Just You Shut Your Mouth.

Just remember, you aren't a China girl. You won't be small and cute forever.

Yeah, What Is The Point Of It All?

Why don't you write a poem about it?

What Part Of Do Not Touch The Cannon Did You Not Understand?

Why don't you ask your dad about his 10lb balls?

Didn't I Tell You To Shut The Door?

If you still need that hat to poop in thirty years... I hope you live far, far away.

Call Me When You Can Walk On Your Own.

You got a cigarette lighter in that thing?

Get Some Clothes That Fit!

Just because you are cute, doesn't give you cart-blanche to put your feet all over the furniture.

I Guess A Sucker Is Born Every Minute.

Do you think you could look a little more pathetic for me?

You Should Go Outside More.

Being super white is not a super power.

It Is Called A Race For A Reason.

This makes me think of an egg I bet your mom wishes she didn't drop.

Stop "Stairing" At Me Like That.

I don't really know how you could be more useless.

Liver Problems Can Cause Jaundice Like That.

People really won't want to talk to you if you act both sad and weird.

It Is Not That Kind Of Blackberry.

I see you take after your mother.

What Are You, Special In The Bad Way?

Most people like to eat with things called utensils, and sit at things called tables.

Are You Supposed To Be A King Or A Queen?

This is a phase I hope you grow out of soon.

Pitching Tents Already?

No. Indians live in India, not in teepees.

Which One Of You Sheds More?

You know dimples are actually a birth defect, right?

I Don't Know If You Look More Like Your Mom, Or Your Dad.

You know Heineken is basically Pabst from the Netherlands, don't you?

No One Can See Your Tears In The Water.

Tough life you have there, baby soft skin, relaxing in a pool, and no regrets. Yeah, tough life you have.

Put Some Clothes On. Not A Sleeveless Mesh Shirt!

What is this, a toddler remake of the Rocky Horror Picture Show?

The Opposable Thumb Is What Sets Humans Apart.

You aren't a fetus anymore. Shape up!

Have You Been Taking Acting Lessons From Grams?

No one thought you were going to win the spelling bee anyway.

If You Get Anymore Outrageous, You Will Be Totally Outrageous.

Yeah, show business is a warm and friendly place. No one will ever try to take advantage of you.

I'm Drawing A Blank.

I can't seem to intimidate this kid. Help me out by leaving a comment with your own intimidation for him. You get to be the Intimidating Uncle.

Don't Look At Me.

Did you just escape from a witch, Witch Mountain, or a Simplicity patterns catalogue?

Look Out! Here Comes The Miracle Worker.

Most people like to close their mouths before they jump in a pool.

This Is The Backyard, Not A Runway In Milan.

Hey, leave a little attitude for the other regional models!

Watch Out. Those Things Are Super Absorbent.

You do know that those don't go on your face right?

Well, No More Kisses From You.

And people wonder how things like the swine flu get started.

Oh, Those Aren't Just Big Stains On The Carpet?

Do you know what the nutritional value of your hand is?

Can't Take You Anywhere Can We?

I don't know if Rodney Dangerfield believed in reincarnation, but looking at you, I do.

You Look Awfully Excited To Be In The Kitchen.

Aren't you a little young to be making meth?

You Think You Are So Cute.

Most super models don't have an extra chromosome.

Where Is Your Other Hand?

I hope you know that none of your World Of Warcraft skills will translate into the real world.

Going To Make Millions In The WNBA?

Are you a good ball handler like your mom?

What Is This Woodstock?

Hey, I hope that medal can teleport you home, because you are not getting in my car like that.

Why Not Make Believe That You Have Style?

You know that to become a famous drag queen, you have to start off a man, right?

Why Are You Smiling Like That? You Lost.

Good job. You just stood around for two hours and made us watch you.

Your Parents Have To Tell You That You Are Cute.

If you are going to impersonate Elton John, you are going to need a piano.

At Least You Have Grasp On Consumerism.

You do understand how a swing works, don't you?

You Are Not Just Scaring Crows.

Let me know when you start killing small animals.

I Don't Even Want To Know, Do I?

Being an endangered species isn't as cool as you might think.

What You Smiling About?

Being able to kneel in skates isn't a talent; it's inherited. Just ask your mother.