Monday, August 31, 2009

Who Said That Was Okay?


You think you are some sort of pastoral computer nymph? Guess what. You aren't.

Big Dreams Lead To Big Disappointments.


Your parent's house is probably as close as you will ever come to living in a castle.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Just You Shut Your Mouth.


Just remember, you aren't a China girl. You won't be small and cute forever.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Friday, August 28, 2009

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Didn't I Tell You To Shut The Door?


If you still need that hat to poop in thirty years... I hope you live far, far away.

Call Me When You Can Walk On Your Own.


You got a cigarette lighter in that thing?

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Get Some Clothes That Fit!


Just because you are cute, doesn't give you cart-blanche to put your feet all over the furniture.

I Guess A Sucker Is Born Every Minute.


Do you think you could look a little more pathetic for me?

Monday, August 24, 2009

You Should Go Outside More.


Being super white is not a super power.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

It Is Called A Race For A Reason.


This makes me think of an egg I bet your mom wishes she didn't drop.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Stop "Stairing" At Me Like That.


I don't really know how you could be more useless.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Liver Problems Can Cause Jaundice Like That.


People really won't want to talk to you if you act both sad and weird.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Sunday, August 16, 2009

What Are You, Special In The Bad Way?


Most people like to eat with things called utensils, and sit at things called tables.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Friday, August 14, 2009

Pitching Tents Already?


No. Indians live in India, not in teepees.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Which One Of You Sheds More?


You know dimples are actually a birth defect, right?

I Don't Know If You Look More Like Your Mom, Or Your Dad.


You know Heineken is basically Pabst from the Netherlands, don't you?

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

No One Can See Your Tears In The Water.


Tough life you have there, baby soft skin, relaxing in a pool, and no regrets. Yeah, tough life you have.

Put Some Clothes On. Not A Sleeveless Mesh Shirt!


What is this, a toddler remake of the Rocky Horror Picture Show?

The Opposable Thumb Is What Sets Humans Apart.


You aren't a fetus anymore. Shape up!

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Have You Been Taking Acting Lessons From Grams?


No one thought you were going to win the spelling bee anyway.

Monday, August 10, 2009

If You Get Anymore Outrageous, You Will Be Totally Outrageous.


Yeah, show business is a warm and friendly place. No one will ever try to take advantage of you.

Sunday, August 9, 2009

I'm Drawing A Blank.


I can't seem to intimidate this kid. Help me out by leaving a comment with your own intimidation for him. You get to be the Intimidating Uncle.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Don't Look At Me.


Did you just escape from a witch, Witch Mountain, or a Simplicity patterns catalogue?

Friday, August 7, 2009

Look Out! Here Comes The Miracle Worker.


Most people like to close their mouths before they jump in a pool.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

This Is The Backyard, Not A Runway In Milan.


Hey, leave a little attitude for the other regional models!

Watch Out. Those Things Are Super Absorbent.


You do know that those don't go on your face right?

Well, No More Kisses From You.


And people wonder how things like the swine flu get started.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Oh, Those Aren't Just Big Stains On The Carpet?


Do you know what the nutritional value of your hand is?

Can't Take You Anywhere Can We?


I don't know if Rodney Dangerfield believed in reincarnation, but looking at you, I do.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Monday, August 3, 2009

You Think You Are So Cute.


Most super models don't have an extra chromosome.